CisterSpeak

Think About What Your Thinking About

Lately I've been re-reading, Battlefield of the Mind, by Joyce Meyer.  One of my favorite chapters challenges us to "think about, what your thinking about."  As simple as it sounds, it really enlightened me to how much negativity flows through my mind on a daily basis.

Of course,  realistically I expect  my mind to wander from one topic to another...be it work, what's for dinner, what bills are coming, what's next on TV???etc.  But after reading and listening to Joyce's message and really paying attention to what she was trying to convey through her words,  I learned  just how important my thoughts really are.

Following an example in the book, I mentally challenged myself to really focus on where my thoughts where going and how my life was reflecting those thoughts.  Believing it to be a simple task of just focusing my thoughts, I found it to be a little more than I expected... Surprise,surprise... it was the mental equivalent of of trying to swat away gnats while sitting outside at a barbecue.  You swipe away at them fruitlessly only to have them return to your face before your hand even finishes the motion.  Hot, sweaty and frustrated you either quit trying or move indoors letting those pesky flies win that battle; while you slunk away in defeat, or just stand there under their constant abuse doing nothing about it. 

At first it was really simple...think positive - OK I got that!  Then one nagging doubt came and when I tried to change the direction of my thoughts another took its place and it happened over and over until I just gave up and let my mind think whatever it wanted.

Lo and behold....Ironically, my life was doing the very same thing.Example, the window motor in my car broke so I got my brother-in-law to fix it.  A few months later the other window breaks along with wheel bearings, then my muffler goes loose and then half of my dashboard lights stop working.  So now I'm thinking 'when am I going to get this fixed...how long can it wait...how much is this gonna cost?'  And that's just dealing with everything in regarding my car, I haven't even gotten to anything else yet!  Next my thoughts jump to my finances and why they are not where I want them to be and all the small debts I still have to pay; then I get hit with a collection bill I already went to court for two years ago; but it got sold to another debt collection agency...blah...blah...blah...round and round we go. 

With all these things happening in my life, it was next to impossible for me to think positively.  Where the heck was the positive???  I saw no silver lining and whenever I tried to think positive for a moment another nagging, annoying gnat of a doubt kept coming right back.

What the book made me realize, is that my life was reflecting my mind.  Avoiding pessimistic thoughts should be a vital as breathing.  You have to train yourself in doing it without having to focus on it.  God's word to me was the calm in the middle of the storm.  If your not religious, or have other beliefs, then focus on whatever you need to, just keep your  thoughts overcoming obstacles rather than the obstacle itself.  Practice by paying attention to what your thinking.  The moment you start to nag, change that "channel."

At first the process is exhausting because your literally fighting with your natural way of thinking.  I remember one day I made a mental note to keep my mind positive all day no matter what was happening or what challenges I faced that Saturday I was going to maintain an optimistic attitude.  That night I went to bed early just to end the day a bit faster than usual.  I was completely exhausted and had a headache for all the effort it cost me to complete my self-imposed goal.  I felt like I just ran a marathon; even though I finished I was totally drained from my exertion.  But I was proud that I finished.

If your life is spiraling out of control...check your thoughts.  As a matter of fact, what are you thinking now???  I really recommend Battlefield of the Mind as a tool to help you get your thoughts together.  It's well written, easy to follow and really teaches us about the word and how we as Christians really need to strengthen our mind and spirit.

We all need that mental "kick"  every once and a while, to really get us out of our funk.  But she also really feeds your spirit which is necessary to get you up, out and living with purpose!

Walmart Shopper Slaps Child

Roger Stephens while shopping at the Georgia Stone Mountain Walmart Store, apparently became so annoyed over a crying child that he allegedly slapped the 2-year old girl several times in the face.  Sonya Matthews, the child's mother, said Stephens had threatened that if she couldn't quiet her daughter, he would do it for her.

Paige Matthews, the 2-year old victim wasn't injured and received treatment at the location, while 61-year old Stephens on the other hand, is being held at the Gwinnett County Detention Center without bond.  For more on the story click here.

Nothing seems to amaze me anymore.  I can't even begin to imagine how I would react to someone smacking my child right in my face.  Yes, there are some kids that you envision yourself disciplining when its obvious their parents lack that apparent skill; but its all just that, your imagination and nothing more.  I can only shake my head at this foolishness and hope that little girl is alright. 

What a damn fool.

Successful Cohabitation 101

The decision of living together with someone is not one that should be taken lightly.  There are so many different views on this from religious ones that speak against it, to more modern views that see it as more of the norm.  My take on it is that you should do what is best for you and yours.  However, please (I can't emphasize this enough) take time and discuss it openly before making the final decision.  If this is the man or woman (for our male readers) you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with and marrying then there is some ground work that needs to be laid before you make the first move.  After all, as much as we would like to say its a great way to test for compatibility before the commitment of marriage...  Research shows that more couples who shack up before marriage end in divorce; or they simply breakup before the relationship even reaches that level and I can clearly see why.

The most important thing you need to do is know why you want to live with your partner in the first place.  If you're living together with your boyfriend/fiancé/significant other etc., solely for the purpose of paying down debt, you have a child tor children together, saving to buying a house or something along those lines then I would humbly suggest you sit down and reevaluate your situation (perhaps you can move in with a family member).  People have a varying degree of reasons for deciding to make such and important step and for some the results are great, while for others nothing short of a complete and utter disaster.

I had to learn this lesson the hard way.  My first engagement was an absolute nightmare.   We were young and head strong not to mention I wasn't prepared and didn't want to admit it to myself, much less my family that I wasn't ready and had made a (relatively huge) mistake.  Rather than listen to the sound advice that we were being given he and I tried to do our "own thing" which lead us no where ,quick fast and in a hurry.  Since the theme for this blog is 'If I would have known then, what I know now...' I hope that sharing my experience will help someone else avoid the same pitfalls.  Coming from someone's who's been there done that and has the bruises to prove it, please take notes and watch out for these mistakes.  (Note: this is a long post, but it does print into three pages which you can take and read  wherever and whenever you like).

Enough Is Enough

We all have them...Those moments when something inside you just 'clicks' and all of a sudden you have a much needed burst of clarity.  For many, it happens when you've hit rock bottom and you look around and finally realize that something has to give or you won't make it.  My moment of epiphany happened to be this weekend. Luckily for me it wasn't during a rough time or anything of that nature but rather during an invigorating walk in the park.

The mister and I were taking our usual walk which we normally use to communicate and discuss our views, feelings or whatever happens to be on our mind at the time.  It was then that he brought to my attention how much time had passed since the beginning of the year.  For a few seconds the world seemed to fall away and I heard none of the noise going on around me or anything else he was saying.  Instead my mind immediately went to my  New Year's Resolutions.

Once again I was falling into the same pattern...I started off the year fully motivated,formulated a budget, set goals and got moving.  Then....life started to find itself intruding into my personal space and once again I found myself repeating the same dead-end monetary habits that I had all last year.  Well, I've decided that enough is enough.  This time I drew a visionary map of the goals that I want and the steps it will take me to get to where I want to be.  Each week I set aside a small goal to accomplish in order to reach that first marker on my map.

I'm proud to say that so far its working.  I have a new sense of purpose but don't feel overwhelmed with my tasks.  My goals are straightforward but fit easily into my normal routine so they are surprisingly simple to follow.  I've found that when I deviate too far off of my usual activities, it's hard to keep my focus in whatever task I'm trying to do.  Reason being is that I have a nasty habit of starting different projects and never really sit and finish any of them.  This in turn leaves my mind wandering all over the place.

So we're already in mid July; how are you doing with those goals you set on New Years?  If your still doing your thing great; but if your like me, then you need to dust them off, reevaluate your current situation and get it in gear.

Saying Goodbye...

As weird as it may sound, Michael's memorial reminds me of 9/11. The unity and love that seems like a thin hazy blanket covering every Michael Jackson fan, young and old, is reminiscent of those troubled times after the dust had settled and the towers had fallen.  Michael managed in death what he was unable to do in the past two decades; touch the hearts and memories of those fans he had thought to be forever lost.

It was so beautiful to see him being celebrated for the priceless gift he was.  I just truly hope he's finally found the peace that always seemed to evade him throughout his amazing life.

An Iconic Loss

When I first heard the News that Michael had passed, I was in my car driving home from work.  The entire drive home I'm frantically switching between the stations hearing different reports as I raced home to turn on the news.  When I finally got the devastating confirmation that he was gone, I just sat staring at the television, shocked, wishing the news marquee would switch back to saying "hospitalized" instead of "dies."

The world has lost one of the most talented people to ever live.  Michael was a true legendary icon and will live on forever through his music and the profound impact he left in the music and entertainment industry.  He paved the way for many of our artists today and for that I am grateful.  I just realized too late the great sacrifice it was to him.  Fame and idolization of the magnitude he had, came at a very high price and we will never truly know the cost of it.  I felt so remorseful that I'd gotten caught up in recent events and how he'd changed; and never really thinking much about, or, of him in recent years. I was so focused on who he became rather that who he was....Until yesterday when his death took me back to the 80's, to Michael I remembered and loved.

I am so  lucky to have lived in an era and time in which I saw Michael at his greatest.  I clearly remember my brother and I glued to the TV whenever one of his concerts or videos aired; and afterwards we would race to the kitchen in our footsie pj's and do our best attempt at moon walking across the floor.  My parents would look at us smiling as our little feet couldn't quite get it right, but we laughed, danced and sang, bonding as a family through his music.  We would be singing "Beat It" at the top of our lungs or sleeping with the light on because we scared our selves silly watching the "Thriller" video.    He will be missed.

My heartfelt prayers go out to his family and friends.

You truly never know what you have until its gone.  Rest in Peace Michael...

I Heart Hollywood Project - Interview

We've all heard the 'rags to riches' stories of some of Hollywood's elite.  They were once poor and on a whim they went to LA where they landed an acting gig and their lives have never been the same since.  But if it were all that simple, we'd all be loading our cars or booking one way flights to Cali.  If you've ever wondered what it's like to try to make your way up in Hollywood, then you may want to check out The I Heart Hollywood Project.

IHHP was created by Mashari Laila Bain and Ci Ci Foster, to document the lives of real life actresses.  We were lucky enough to have them reach out to our viewers and explain exactly what the project is all about.

To Join...Or Not To Join....

Whether you're a new couple just starting out or a well seasoned veteran team, keeping your finances well balanced is vital to the health of the relationship.  More than likely, you've heard or seen first hand that when allowed, money has the ability to pretty much destroy any relationship beyond recognition.  That being said, I believe that every couple needs to sit down and have completely open and honest discussion of their individual financial situations.  This way both of you have a clear understanding of exactly what you're dealing with.  Although this basically applies it all couples, it should be an absolute mandatory requirement for those just starting out.

Everyone has different reasons, beliefs, fears or opinions in regards to whether or not a couple should have joint or separate bank accounts; there simply is no right or wrong way to approach it.  The only requirement should be that you both talk it over and have SOME type of plan in action.  Failing to address how household finances will be handled going forward is just not an option.

Dry, Breaking Nape?

I recieved a few emails on my fotki (pswd is justlovingit) asking me how I grew out my nape area, so here's a little help for the ladies out there who are also struggling with this rough spot.

I have extremely DRY type 4a/4b hair. On top of that my nape area is dryer and much more prone to breakage then the rest.  To cover this up I would put my hair in a low ponytail or simply comb it down (the top was much longer) to cover up the uneven breakage from the public eye.  Of course this did nothing to help it; but at least you couldn't see the damage.  I struggled with this area for YEARS.  Finally I made it my goal to grow this area out so that I would no longer have "see through" hair, and I'm all too happy to say it completely turned around. 

My Regime for my nape:

My saviors were, a moisturizer, right now I'm in love with Karen's Body Beautiful Hair Milk ( I have the Chamomile Sage scent, LOVE IT), Rosewater with vegetable Glycerin( I actually buy this at the local health food store) and Virgin Unrefined Coconut oil.

Every night I spritz  that part my hair (actually I do my whole head, but pay a little more attention to my nape) with the Rosewater and glycerin mix... Not to the point that my hair is dripping wet but just very slightly damp.  Next I take a small (less then a dime shape) amount of the hair milk and apply it to that area and seal it with a dollop of the coconut oil. Finally I do a two strand twist on my nape and pin my hair up for the night.

It seems like a lot, but it's worked for me.

Here was my hair before on March 23, 2007:

(You can see what I meant about 'see through' because you can clearly see my necklace through my severely damaged hair)

and here is that same area as of April 25, 2009:

(In this pic you really can't see straight through my hair to my neck like in the one above; it's thicker and healthier and best of all...no more see through hair!  I may even have that same necklace on as it's a gift from my mom and I very rarely take it off.)

Again, this is a regimine that worked for ME; everything doesn't work for everybody. But I do believe a little TLC in that area goes a VERY long way.

Watch Where You Eat

Two North Carolina Domino's employees were recently fired for posting a nasty video on youtube where one employee put cheese in his nose then on the sandwich, farted on the food, wiped his butt with a dirty sponge and then had the nerve to wash the pan with it!  Domino's has stated that they will be seeking criminal charges against them both. 

In an official statement released by the Domino's  PR team, the employees said that the video was just a prank and that the food was never sent out to customers; (I highly doubt that) and what about the pan that was washed with that sponge??? I am disgusted beyond words and will be thinking twice before eating at certain places.

  "We are shocked, appalled, disgusted and angry about the behavior of these two errant individuals. Their display does not reflect the attitudes and behaviors of 125,000 hard-working men and women across the country and in 60 countries around the world. While they work for an independent - and innocent  franchise owner in North Carolina, we expect their employment to be terminated and we are reviewing our legal options as well."

Domino's Vice President of Communications Tim McIntyre said the franchise owner of the Conover Domino's is innocent.

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